Jack Buttons: Clown Detective: A series revolving around the undercover investigations of Detective Jack Buttons as he uncovers crimes in the circus. Due to his theatre arts degree Buttons is able to fit into the criminal underworld of the circus trade. He uses his skills of mime, acrobatics, face painting and lion taming to collar the corrupt denizens of the Big Top. His most notable cases are finding out who the Strongman's wife is having an affair with, solving the mystery of the missing conjoined twin and facing off with his arch nemesis 'the guy who shovels the elephant poop.'
Buttons will be played by Robson Green.
Joseph Merrick: Bounty Hunter: Discover the secret life of The Elephant Man as he prowls the mean streets of Victorian London apprehending rogues and ruffians for Scotland Yard. The lowlifes of London start to get wind of this dark avenger to the point where he is nicknamed...'Strange Head Man'. Despite his many physical deformities he is hailed as the hero that London needs but the one that they can't quite look at.
Joseph Merrick will be played by Dog the Bounty Hunter. No prosthetics required.
Hubbard P.I: A science fiction/cop show revolving around Scientology creator L.Ron Hubbard. Hubbard starts a detective agency so he can investigate an alien invasion plot that he believes is happening. His investigations lead him to discover that these aliens are targeting the rich and famous. Luckily the invention of his dianetics machine seems to quell the invaders and make them more peaceful. Hubbard will turn out to be a modern day messiah and also filthy rich.
The series will run for many years and become increasingly complicated and convoluted and then end on a controversial note when the last scene shows Hubbard waking up on the toilet. It is revealed that the whole series was a dream caused by Hubbard having a poo blackout.
Played by a bloated Michael Madsen.
Mormon Police: A cop show in which Detective Joseph Latter-Day investigates crimes against his religion (but not the law). Latter-Day with the help of his five secretaries/wives investigates high profile Mormon crimes such as infidelity, use of prescription drugs, drinking tea, coffee and alcohol, and dealing with the local homosexual in the sinful world of Wal-Mart.
The police chief will by played by a confused looking Mitt Romney. His only function will be to stagger into the back of tense scenes and bellow 'I was almost President'. He will then skulk off as everybody avoids eye contact with him.
Latter-Day will be played by Eric Roberts and a high turnover of female cast members due to Eric's constant sexual harassment of them. In one controversial episode Eric's penis will briefly appear in shot due to his fly being intentionally left open.The series never recovers.